When dad first told me you were a girl
I saw that everything made sense
Because how long has your hair curled
Down shoulders in apartaments
But now you will not go outside
Because you fear the judgment
I'm waiting for the day you die
In small town by the government
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
I know you do not want to come
To family dinners with the aunts,
But when grandpa calls you grandson
I need you there to make me laugh
And when my friends don't understand
I cannot pretend that I do
But I don't really need to know
Because it wouldn't change you
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
You wear his clothes
You read his poems
You hate them too
You smoke his weed
Cover with sleeves
The same old grooves
You wear his clothes
You read his poems
You hate them too
You smoke his weed
So much of me
I got from you
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
Oh no no no no
Only Child was one of the first songs written for the album and actually seems to predate Pinkerton. It was written when my sister had just come out as trans. One night this guy had come over and said something I thought was judgemental and it made me really mad. And I was so frustrated but I didn't even know what to say. I didn't know why she was trans. But why did it matter? That's how I felt, like, she probably doesn't even completely understand it herself. Why does it matter.
When the song was finished I remember listening to it for the first time and running out into my backyard and jumping for joy. I was so happy with it. The sound is so jubilant, and the production turned out so well. I love the trumpet arrangement, and the fat piano chords, and I especially love the lyrics, which felt and feel so honest to me. I don't think I could have expressed myself more honestly and I'm so proud of my younger self for writing them.
At some point after the song was finished, I realized that I had taken the last line of the bridge from some Destiny's Child song. I'd been trying to figure that line out, which for years I never could get, and one day in the shower right after I had moved to New York it just popped into my head: "So much of me is you". I changed it to fit the meter and put it in the song but then a couple days later when my roommate was listening to Cater 2 U again that I realized just what had happened...
The first recording I have of Only Child is a voice memo from October 10th, 2019, taken after I had just discovered the chords on one of the old thrift store synths I had lying around:
The next recordings are from later that same day. By this point I had made the transfer to guitar and was experimenting with melodies and lyrics. The chorus hook and verse melody seem mostly finished and the lyrics seem to have some direction towards the topic of my sister's transition. I remember getting the melody in my head one day right when I was about to drive to my cousin's guitar lesson. I think this recording is that. I was listening to a lot of Ritt Momney's first album around that time, and that had a big influence on the vocal style:
The next recording is from the next day and is a demo of the bridge, and of the old guitar solo that used to be in place of the piano:
Also from that day is a playthrough of the now completed song. The only difference between this recording and the final version is the strumming pattern / time signature and a couple lyrics in the bridge. I remember struggling to make the decision to change the strumming pattern to how it is now, which made the whole thing much longer:
I think it's very possible that the "apart-a-ments" line in the first verse was because of Touch The Sky by Kanye. I've also wondered if the chorus backing vocals were somehow influenced by There, There by Radiohead. The "Don't reach out" part. "Only child"..."Don't reach out". Very similar.
This final demo from the following day marks the move into Pro Tools and official beginning of the recording. There are a couple differences between this and the final version, most promimently the use of a nylon-stringed rather than steel-stringed guitar (Ritt Momney), the guitar solo, and the whispers in the bridge. There's no piano and no percussion yet, but I bet the bass track is the same as the final:
After this, percussion was added. I remember trying a Dance Yrself Clean lap-slapping thing, as well as an "I Want Wind to Blow" guiro thing, neither of which stuck. The first piano was also added, the same one as Pinkerton. The dish-crashing sound was my headphone cable knocking something onto the ground.
After those things were added I got kind of stuck. The track did not match the aesthetic of the album. It was too bright, and way too poppy. I don't think it was until a year or two later that I finally felt like I fixed it by adding those chiming, low piano chords that happen in the chorus. They were from the grand piano at the student studio at Gardner Hall. It made it sound so much more mature. It allowed me to forgive its poppiness. I remember coming home that night from the studio and playing the isolated piano tracks for my roommates, and feeling so proud. I think they're so beautiful:
Damn I still love it so much. I think Boards of Canada's "roygbiv", which my sister had put me onto, was the reason I added the delay.
The solo came together around this same time but was much more difficult. I had never liked the guitar solo thing. I thought it should be a bright solo for a bright song, just like Penny Lane, so I tried trumpet but that didn't work. Eventually I found the piano solo. I remember calculating that that solo took 16 hours of studio-time to get to, including trying lots of trumpet solos and different stuff, which sounds like bullshit but I think its true. The rhythm is weird. The chords are on 2+ and 4+. It's always reminded me of "Hand Covers Bruise" from The Social Network. Or "Zawinul/Lava" by Brian Eno.
Piano solo solo'd:
Personnel:
Ibanez Artwood AC240
Dad's Fender Bass
Jupiter JTR700 Trumpet
Upright piano and Yamaha grand piano
Cabasa
Recorded at 16bit 44.1khz
Unmastered Version:
Lyrics sheet:
